Or why it seems I only have time to update this thing when I’m on vacation.
|Jul 4||Public post|| 1|
“So what brings you to Denver?” my Lyft driver asked, trying to make conversation on the drive from the airport.
”I’ve never been here before, and I don’t know anyone here, which is perfect.”
I enjoy the freedom of traveling solo. I come and go as I please. If I want to spend all day in the hotel ordering room service and watching TV5Monde, I can do that without judgment. And in this case, I can explore a totally new city without feeling burdened by having to have “plans” with people who “know” me.
It’s my vacation. My plan is to vacate.
It’s been three and a half months since I last posted something here. I’d like to tell you that so much has happened, but in reality, about 95% of that is work-related and super boring and I promised myself I wouldn’t talk about what I do while I’m on vacation. (I’ve just been telling people I’ve met here that I work in the entertainment industry…which isn’t too far from the truth.)
The other 5% of life lately has been fairly mundane. I finished redecorating my apartment. I finally bought a new couch. I started talking to two guys, and then those two guys did what guys who I like generally do — got distant and expected me to pick up the slack. These occurrences are not terribly interesting, in hindsight, but I would have liked to write about these things in the moment. Instead, I’m recalling these incidents as just distant memories. It doesn’t quite have the same punch.
To be honest, I’ve been really struggling with this whole semi writing-in-public thing. It’s not that I don’t have anything to share — quite the contrary. It’s the ever-nagging issue of someone I “know” finding my writing, and taking it upon themselves to share it with others who “know” me…including my current employer. This has already happened twice since the last newsletter, which not only forced me into taking a break from here, but also meant taking my Twitter account private. Hell, I had to block my boss on Twitter, and someone we both “know” told him about this newsletter, and then he brought it up in our regular 1:1 meeting. (If he’s reading this…hi.)
Before I left for Denver, I caught a showing of a new documentary titled Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am. It chronicled her rise from a young girl in Lorain, Ohio to her current status as the fierce, bad-ass novelist that she is today. It’s inspiring and uplifting and affirming in all the ways that I needed to hear with respect to my own writing. Granted, Toni writes fiction and I don’t, but I still aspire to reach that level of depth and understanding and clarity in my own writing about my life. I know that’s something which comes with practice, and the less I write, the more I feel it slipping away. I’m also reading a galley of Saeed Jones’ “How We Fight For Our Lives”, which is so damn good. I met Saeed via Twitter, so I’ve heard his backstory in bits and bobs. Seeing it all laid out on the page like that in such vivid description is another experience altogether. This too, makes me want to keep writing. However, the public consequence of writing about my life is something that has already burned me several times in the past, so I’m still a little gun shy about really putting it all out on the page like that.
Still wanna write a book tho. *sigh*
I like Substack as a platform, but I wouldn’t mind something a bit more “blog-like” that’s not a WordPress installation. I read this post on Lifehacker a while ago about folks who blog into a Google document and share it with select people. That sounds like a good idea in theory, but then I’d have to set up a separate Google account that doesn’t have my real name attached to it, and I’m already way too deep into the Google ecosystem to think I can successfully manage that type of split. Not to mention I would need to keep track of people’s email addresses too. No thanks. I’ve even thought about making this a paid newsletter, but I mean…if I did that, would y’all really pay? I’d only charge like a dollar or two— nothing crazy. Plus it would force me into a regular habit of writing since people are paying into it, which might curb the few looky-loos out there I don’t know who are reading (including the one I’ve had to continually unsubscribe from this list because I’m sure they are the mole. 👀
If that sounds like something you’d support, let me know.
I’ve still got a few more days in Denver before I head back to Atlanta. I’ve been to three dispensaries, went day drinking, saw Spider-Man: Far From Home, and gotten a marijuana-laced massage and mani/pedi. I also plan on taking a train ride through the mountains, getting my hair washed and trimmed at a natural hair salon, and just relax and play some Nintendo Switch. I already know the rest of the world is waiting for me when I get back to work next week, but I’ll deal with that when it comes.
Happy Independence Day, y’all.