Bad At This

But like...who's good at it?

It's Sunday, and I'm tired.

I'm typing this to you on my phone from my bed — actually, I'm not even doing that; I'm dictating this to an app called Otter which will transcribe it into text which I then copied and pasted here so I could make light edits. After a week of meetings and interviews, that's about as much “work” as I really plan on doing today.

The concept of adulting has been on my mind a lot lately. I turn 38 in March, and I think about how when my mom was my age, she had two kids, a trifling husband, and a job that ran her ragged. I don't know how she managed it all because I only have one of those things and I feel like I'm still barely taking care of myself. I mean, I'm doing the things that adults should do — you know, pay bills, go to work, file taxes…shit like that. But I also feel like I'm failing in some ways. I eat out way too much and don't cook nearly enough. It takes me too long to respond to emails and texts. I might check my mailbox once a week. Hell, I said I would start these newsletters to y'all in January and it's damn near Valentine's Day!

*sigh*

I'm trying to will myself to take a vacation for my birthday. I'd love to visit Puerto Rico for a week, but then it's like, “oh, I have to schedule the time off,” which is not a bad thing — I've earned the time — but I'm also in the middle of interviewing and trying to build my team at work and my mind is saying “do you really need to go on a vacation now?” Because then I'll have to book a hotel and plane tickets…which reminds me I have to book plane tickets for two trips to NYC soon — one at the end of the month and for our annual gathering in May. That means I've got to make sure my mail gets held, the plants get watered, and that I don't have any other appointments scheduled during those times.

It's a good thing I'm already lying down, because thinking about all that just gave me a headache.

When did you feel like you were good at being an adult? Is this something that any of us ever really get good at being? Because I feel like I'm just winging it these days and I need a break.